The Ramones, pt. 2: Anthony's Album Guide

Part 1 is here. My handy dandy profoundly subjective numerical rating scheme is decoded here.

Animal Boy (1986) 6
Halfway To Sanity (1987) 4
Ramones Mania (1988) 5
Brain Drain (1989) 8
Loco Live (1991) 6
Mondo Bizarro (1992) 8
Acid Eaters (1993) 7
Adios Amigos! (1995) 7
Greatest Hits Live (1996) 5
We’re Outta Here! (1997) 6
Hey! Ho! Let’s Go: The Anthology (1999) 6
Weird Tales Of The Ramones (2005) 6

For all my grumbling about the critical praise for Too Tough To Die, I happily join the choir for “Bonzo Goes To Bitburg,” the band’s scathing critique of the pity Ronald Reagan showed German soldiers from WWII (including SS members) while visiting a military cemetery in Bitburg. One could note there’s irony in The Ramones suggesting it’s distasteful to empathize with Nazis, but the song - written by bassist Dee Dee, singer Joey and producer Jean Beauvoir (who added chimes!) - is all the more striking for its unprecedented sincerity. The song’s value as anti-Reaganism now moot, “Bonzo” remains a spirited portrait of the confusion and anger one can feel when seeing how little patriotic principles really matter to conservatives, and politicians in general. “You say you care about American workers/babies/soldiers/first responders, so why are you ok with…” has only become more inescapable and desperate a rhetorical construct with time, and Joey’s fury on the climactic “if there’s one thing that makes me sick/ it’s when someone tries to hide behind politics” has earned many a rewind from me over the last decade. 

Though released as a single in England by Beggars Banquet in ’85, earning lots of critical and college radio attention, “Bitburg” didn’t get a domestic release until 1986’s Animal Boy, where it’s retitled “My Head Is Hanging Upside Down” so odd Republican guitarist out Johnny didn’t have to say “Bonzo.” With Johnny and Joey agreeing on nothing by this point, Animal Boy is the Ramones’ most explicitly Dee Dee-fied release, the bassist taking two lead vocals and writing the overwhelming majority of the tracks. Between this and ex-Plasmatic Beauvoir producing, Animal is more punk and less plodding than Too Tough. But the second most memorable song after “Bitburg” is the opener, “Somebody Put Something In My Drink,” written by drummer Richie, whose replacement of Marky (for rehab reasons) I forgot to bring up in the last post.

The Ramones’ lack of inspiration reaches a nadir on Halfway To Sanity, their shortest album since Leave Home, yet somehow their most interminable ever. Richie gets two credits this time (just one less than Joey), and production’s handled by New York punk buddy Daniel Rey. No one’s performance is less than professional, but from “Weasel Face” to “Garden Of Serenity," ‘80s punk professionalism is all they have to offer. Most heartbreaking is probably the Debbie Harry duet (more of a harmony), “Go Lil Camaro Go,” featuring the most pro forma “ooh mow mow” I’ve ever heard. Or maybe it’s when Joey’s dull, nearly five minute Spectorism “Bye Bye Baby” is followed by a scream of “I’M A WORM MAN!” Richie wanted more money to stick around, so - after Blondie’s Clem Burke revealed on stage how hard it is for pre-punk drummers to play this stuff - Marky returned to the riser.

The Mania compilation, 30 songs on one CD or 2LPs, was a decent intro for college rockers and alt-kiddos. I’m docking it a point, though, as it includes enough mediocrity to make the newbies think they don’t need anything more. The career-encompassing Hey! Ho! Let’s Go! 2CD, though just as clunky and twice as long, is at least in chronological order, so the questionable ‘80s choices (six songs from Too Tough To Die!) don’t affect one’s appreciation of the ‘70s. The 2005 box set loses a point for burying a handful of solid obscurities amid dozens of album tracks, but gets it back for having a neat DVD.

The success of Mania’s video for “I Wanna Be Sedated” meant it was time for another big name producer, New York jazz-dub-funk majordomo Bill Laswell expected to make 1989’s Brain Drain as big as Public Image Limited or solo Mick Jagger. Ironically, the two most famous songs on the album were recorded beforehand by Rey and Beauvoir: the ’87 b-side “Merry Christmas (I Don’t Wanna Fight Tonight)” - rightly seen as MTV-worthy - and the love theme from Pet Sematary, “Pet Sematary," where Joey performs Dee Dee’s poignant lyric fearing zombiehood with remarkable gravitas. Johnny and Dee Dee hated how hard Laswell made them work on the album tracks, but from the “Palisades Park” cover to the yearning “I Believe In Miracles” to…”Don’t Bust My Chops”…Drain was their chewiest platter since Subterranean Jungle.

Brain Drain confirmed their stature among punks, nerds and the 120 Minutes crowd, but that wasn’t enough to keep Dee Dee from leaving the band (though he’d still contribute songs) or the band from leaving Sire. The contract-capping Loco Live has a better song selection than either studio compilation, but if you’re only going to have one Ramones album on your shelf, it shouldn’t have CJ on bass.

Young CJ, more than a decade Dee Dee’s junior, says he tried to get Johnny to sign the band to rising punk indie Epitaph. Instead, they signed to Radioactive, manager Gary Kurfist’s vanity label with MCA. To be fair, the band Live signed to Radioactive as well, and things sure worked out fine for them in the ‘90s. Both singles from 1992’s Mondo Bizarro were written by Dee Dee (“Strength To Endure” even sung by CJ!). But Joey and Marky(!), working with ringers like Rey and the Dictators’ Andy Shernoff, do a solid job picking up the album track slack. Highlights include Joey’s belated PMRC grumble “Censorshit,” fun tributes to “Touring” and “Anxiety,” a Doors cover (complete with organ and bass solo!) and “Strength To Endure,” which CJ sure sings better than Dee Dee could! Produced by the prodigal Ed Stasium, with Johnny letting Stasium, Shernoff and Rey add guitar overdubs so he didn’t have to, Bizarro might be their most fun “heavy” album since Road To Ruin.

Acid Eaters, by request of Kurfist, expands the band’s penchant for ‘60s covers to an entire LP. With the guy from Dig producing (remember their MTV Buzz Clip?) and Traci Lords singing backup on “Somebody To Love,” Eaters should have been sold as A Radioactive Records Christmas or something. Cameos from even more label mates, like Mick Jones, Shaun Ryder and Ed Kowalcyzk, would have only made things more entertaining. Plus, Johnny was going to storm out of the sessions early either way. The outcome is predictably listenable (Joey has fun reaching for those Stones and CCR choruses), and songwriting’s obviously not a problem. But there’s even less meaning here than on a Me First & The Gimmie Gimmies album. And why would CJ be the one to sing “My Back Pages”? He was younger than everyone else when he got there.

With Johnny long checked out, Joey diagnosed with lymphoma and neither acknowledging the other’s existence, it was decided 1995’s Adios Amigos! would be their last album. The opening cover of Tom Waits’ “I Don’t Want To Grow Up” might be their greatest lift since “Surfin Bird,” serving as a wry reflection on a then unthinkable (and now thoroughly common) twenty years of unapologetic punkdom. Six Dee Dee copyrights and four CJ vocals (plus two CJ copyrights!) underscores this is still product, but returning producer/guitar ringer Rey grasps the post-Green Day market needed no awkward attempts at crossover. Joey’s “Life’s A Gas” and the Johnny Thunders cover “I Love You” are simple, sweet send-offs sadly hidden in the middle of Amigos, which instead ends with Joey giving it up for Germany one last time (Dee Dee seemingly contributing a verse over the phone from lock-up).

While the album wasn’t a blockbuster, that post-Green Day market meant the farewell tour went on for ages, including a Lollapalooza jaunt spent between Rancid and Soundgarden. Radioactive celebrated the moment with two live releases: Greatest Hits Live dropping in time for Lollapalooza, and 1997’s We’re Outta Here! capturing their Last Show Ever the previous August. Hits ends with studio covers of Motörhead’s “R.A.M.O.N.E.S.” and “Any Way You Want It,” sadly by Dave Clark Five instead of Journey. Here! has live versions of “R.A.M.O.N.E.S.” with Lemmy Kilmeister, and “Any Way You Want It” with…Eddie Vedder. Both albums feature their take on the “Spiderman” theme, and CJ yelling “1! 2! 3! 4!” more often than not. Here! has more songs and sillier vocals from Joey, but both have way too much audible assistance from CJ. For some reason he sings “Wart Hog” on Here!, even though Dee Dee did “Love Kills” from Animal Boy earlier in the show! And while Joey sings that studio version of “R.A.M.O.N.E.S.,” CJ handles it with Lemmy on stage! I know CJ was just trying to help, but I don’t need a memento of that. 

Lymphoma took Joey in 2001, leaving us with a posthumous 2002 solo album and one of those friends-finishing-demos deals in 2012, both of which are charming if you love the guy (and I do). You may even be able to remember “Maria Baritomo” hadn’t left CNBC for Fox News yet when Joey wrote her a valentine (he never could catch a break). The band made the Rock & Roll Hall Of Fame in 2002, with Tommy thanking Joey and everyone not there, Marky thanking Tommy, Dee Dee thanking himself and Johnny thanking President Bush. CJ wasn’t inducted, and I guess no one bothered to insist, the way Red Hot Chili Peppers insisted with Josh Klinghoffer. 

Heroin took Dee Dee soon after that ceremony. I haven’t heard his solo output beyond his hip-hop “Funky Man” 12-inch I took from my college radio station, and I’ve only played that at 45rpm, where he sounds like Cartman. Prostate cancer took Johnny in 2004, soon after the release of End Of The Century: The Story Of The Ramones, a fantastic documentary that revealed to most (myself included) just how different these faux-brothers were from each other. Bile duct cancer took Tommy in 2014, making the original Ramones one of the first bands to reach Rock & Roll Heaven in full. All the later members are still alive except Clem Burke, whose brief run as Elvis Ramone made for a fun DVD outtake with End Of The Century. The movie is on YouTube at the moment (the Roku entry is mislabeled), and so worth the ads! Then check out Bill Hader’s Dee Dee impersonation when discussing the movie with Amoeba Music’s What’s In My Bag? crew. May their music - and their accents - continue to echo.

None of the albums above make My Top 300 Albums Of All Time, though if you doubled that number you might spot Brain Drain. All questions and requests Ramones-related and not can be sent to anthonyisright at gmail dot com.