My Handy Dandy Profoundly Subjective Numerical Rating Scheme For Albums

"I love to blurb and I’m increasingly down to chronicle discographies in a SPIN Alternative Record Guide fashion. At the same time, I’ve grown to hate critical rating systems and the faux-objectivity they represent in media. At best, they are a distracting, gratuitous shorthand - a pointless focus of debate. However, I’m a nerd raised on the shit."

I wrote those words on Tumblr six years ago and they're still true. As I am once again down to chronicle discographies online, I've decided to update my handy dandy profoundly subjective numerical rating scheme here. Behold!

10 - Apocalyptic events aside, I will always have a physical copy of this album. I love every track.

9 - I should always own this album, and would pay full price for it. Maybe even overpay. I've got serious love for it, and if I don't currently own it physically, I'm not happy about that.

8 - I currently own this album, or would probably pay full price, but might hold out for cheap depending on my mood. It's a good one, though.

7 - I don’t need to own this album, but there’s at least a couple tracks I’d like to be able to access, whether via a compilation or streaming. Good stuff here.

6 - I barely need anything on this, but if you put it on, I’ll probably say something like ‘cool!’ It's fine.

5 - I probably don't need anything on this, maybe a track or two, but eh, whatever. The most frustrating grade, suggestive of an unconfident discontent.

4 - I don’t need much if anything from this, but I only hate it a little.

3 - I hate this, but it’s either got real character or one good jam.

2 - I straight-up fucking hate this, no redeeming qualities have yet to be found.

1 - I think this album could lead to one of those apocalyptic events suggested above.