How I Like The Rolling Stones: The Albums, pt. 2

Note: This is an update of a Tumblr post from six years ago. Part 1 is here, and my super-subjective rating scale is explained here.

Its Only Rock & Roll (1974) 5
Made In The Shade (1975) 6
Metamorphosis (1975) 6
Black And Blue (1976) 5
Love You Live (1977) 5
Some Girls (1978) 8
Emotional Rescue (1980) 8
Sucking In The Seventies (1981) 5
Tattoo You (1981) 8
Still Life (1982) 4
Undercover (1983) 7

The Stones kicked off their second decade defensively claiming It’s Only Rock & Roll. Ironically, no one accused their last album, Goats Head Soup, of being even 50% rock & roll. Only did manage that modest ratio, though the half that “rocks” features another weak stab at the Temptations and a single entendre about “balls.” The non-rocking half has three songs over six minutes, including Mick Jagger’s failed audition for The Parallax View. On the bright side, workmanlike guitarist Mick Taylor, annoyed by a lack of songwriting credit on those six-minute doozies, made this album his last.

Believe it or not, the Stones were already a “catch them before they die!” live act fifty years ago, tours causing more excitement than concurrent albums. The ’75 US trip, with Faces guitarist Ron Wood now amiably leaning against Keith Richards, was celebrated by two compilations released on the same day. From the band came Made In The Shade, a collection of nine ‘70s singles square and true, capped by “Rip This Joint” to make fans feel dumb for not playing Exile On Mainstreet instead. From ex-manager Allan Klein came Metamorphosis, a barrel scrape of songwriting demos and half-finished outtakes. Neither is essential, but the latter has an patchwork charm perfect for Alex Chilton fans. Love You Live, culled in part from the jaunt, is their third live album if you want it, and “it” is Mick singing before the novocaine’s worn off.

Recorded while auditioning randos across Europe, Black And Blue was their friskiest album in a minute, the Second Mick blessedly absent even if Wood wasn’t the Second Keith yet. Jagger's chattiness livens the ballads, which are still too long, and the band tries some unprecedented, if ghoulish, genre exercises. If you can handle their reggae, you might even think it’s good. Personally, I can’t handle their reggae.

Jagger's competitive fascination with punk & disco - channelled through sessions involving more band members than guest musicians (Wood fitting in and Richards not going to jail for drug crimes in Montreal) - made Some Girls the Stones’ most clear-headed and energetic album since Exile, if not Now! “Beast Of Burden” was their slyest standard in ages, and even the Temptations cover has a kick. Mick still acts like a douche, staining Side A with the race-baiting title track and leading the B with a tribute to The Carol Burnett Show. But he’s mostly too busy rocking or seducing to troll. Or rather, merely troll: “Shattered” winks at cynical new wavers, pulling off a New York groove with an amused ease few twenty-somethings could manage.

The barrels and the boogies are kitschier on Emotional Rescue, but just as lively. Not only do I enjoy Mick-J Mouse on the title track, I can even handle the reggae! Though Jagger’s monologue on “Indian Girl” might be his all-time worst (you’re not ready), it’s thankfully buried at the tail end of Side A. Sucking In The Seventies, with Some Girls singles bracketing a bunch of live tracks, b-sides and abbreviated Black And Blue cuts, is a well-made shit sandwich.

Tattoo You is almost as much of a hodge-podge as Sucking, Mick building melodies atop years-old outtakes so he and Keith wouldn’t have to work together in the studio. Be that as it may, the swaggering Side A doesn’t go through the motions so much as define them: “Start Me Up” is Mick’s most joyously straightforward lust-maybe-love song, with “Little T&A” Keith’s. Side B is a worthy experiment in pure balladry, but “Waiting On A Friend,” a spiritual sequel to “Sitting On A Fence” where the romantic angst is replaced by equal parts fatigue and optimism, might have hit even harder after something brisk. Still Life is their fourth live album if you want it, and “it” is Mick singing mid-aerobics.

Out of outtakes to plunder, Undercover was the Stones’ real introduction to the eighties, the singles popping with Mick’s enthusiasm for newfangled recording technology. The arresting “Undercover Of The Night” is better sell-out Gang Of Four than actual sell-out Gang Of Four, and “Too Much Blood” sums up American Psycho in six minutes eight years before the book’s publication. Mick doesn’t really have much to say, though - a serious issue in his impending solo career - and the band can get lost in all that tech.

There’s forty years left to the story, but my detailed assessment ends here, as I’ve yet to find an album from those decades worth owning. Dirty Work is a mid-80s bizarro world with Keith & the boys chasing modern trends as Mick pounds away, rather than vice versa. A Bigger Bang is a mid-00s moment of unusual reflection that might work if it was Some Girls long and not Exile long. Everything in between is a studio or live album if you want it, and everything after Bang was either literally or spiritually archival until the Glimmer Twins squeezed out Hackney Diamonds last year, probably just to prove they could. But releasing at least ten albums I love to play is more than twice what most great bands achieve, so far be it from me to condemn their refusal to retire, or God’s refusal to make them.

Tattoo You is at 256 on my Top 300 Albums Of All Time. I'm telling you this because I've found people are more inclined to discuss and share reviews if there's a quantitative element at the top or bottom they can easily debate. Prove me right! Direct correspondence and defenses of Dirty Work (particularly side B), however, can be shipped off to anthonyisright at gmail dot com.