Don Henley's Actual Miles vs. Duran Duran's Decade: Which Is Better?

Don Henley! Duran Duran! Two great tastes that go great together…said no one, except MTV and radio programmers in the ‘80s. To use overused generational jargon to an offensively generalized degree, many “boomers” thought Duran Duran represented the worst impulses of the ‘80s: vapid, hypervisual froth combining disco at its most robotic with Eurosong at its most pretentiously florid. Meanwhile, the ex-Eagle was confronting the political & emotional perils of Reagan’s America with grit & confidence, acknowledging the new pop context without surrendering to its superficiality. To young Gen-Xers, Duran Duran showed there’s no reason art-rock couldn’t be smooth-cheeked, well-dressed and danceable, while Don Henley was a grumpy, self-righteous old fart. By the ‘90s, both were unquestionable gods to some and easy punchlines to others.

And what were they for me? Well, as a classic Xennial, classic Libra, and glib jackass, I can see the virtues and crimes of both, admiring this song and giggling at the next. Both represent cultural movements and artistic missions I’ve always felt a critical distance from. At the same time, I’ve been hearing their biggest hooks since I was a kindergartner. As such, I recently bought used copies of Don Henley’s Actual Miles: Henley's Greatest Hits (1995) and Duran Duran’s Decade (1989), compilations that capture their respective ‘80s heydays. But whose heyday has aged better? Sticking to their (or their label’s) self-chosen retrospective portrait, I decided to do a track-by-track analysis. Decade has one more song than Miles, but considering the critical assessment of late ‘80s Duran Duran, that’s not necessarily a win for the Brits.

Track 1: “Planet Earth” vs “Dirty Laundry”
Winner: Duran Duran (DD 1, DH 0)

God help me, but I mostly enjoy Henley’s bitter bop decrying the rude innuendo he experienced after pleading guilty to contributing to the delinquency of a minor when a teenaged girl overdosed on Quaaludes at his house. It’s got fierce solos from Joe Walsh and Steve Lukather, and a hook we don’t have to find ironic; maybe we should kick toxic, privileged assholes whether they’re up or down. But Henley’s voice can’t quite pull of the key change, and why “Laundry” needed the prolonging is beyond me. Meanwhile, “Planet Earth” is as delicious as new wave anthems got, Simon Le Bon a “new romantic looking for the TV Sound,” the Taylors making Chic's influence explicit, Nick Rhodes adding helicopter noises and synthscape. Henley’s got a shameless, cynical kick, but Duran’s got joie de vivre.

Track 2: “Girls On Film” vs “Boys Of Summer”
Winner: Don Henley (DD 1, DH 1)

“Girls On Film” continues “Planet Earth”’s exuberance better than I remembered, but that chorus still leaves me flat. Meanwhile, “Summer” captures romantic grief so poignantly it crushed me at nine years old, and still crushes me now. Heartbreaker Mike Campbell’s backing track, too new wave for Tom Petty (until it became a smash and Petty tried takebacksies with the rewrite “Runaway Trains”), rushes by mercilessly on the verse, making Henley sound more vulnerable than ever, until the chorus guitars push him to unprecedented rapture. It’s the dark side of Rod Stewart’s similarly percolating “Young Turks,” a boomer’s joy for youth seizing the day turning into anguish over his own days slipping past him. The terror of time passing, the reverie of fantasy, the gratitude for memory…getting horny about skin flicks can’t compete.

Track 3: “Hungry Like The Wolf” vs “All She Wants To Do Is Dance”
Winner: Don Henley (DD 1, DH 2)

I’ll be clear, this is a real fight. “Hungry Like The Wolf” is Duran’s biggest hit for a reason. It’s a joyous, nonsensical display of exaggerated horniness from boys many would love to make exaggeratedly horny. It’s a spirited delight that defined an era, and anyone who prefers it is well within their rights. But I’m a guy who owns at least six Randy Newman albums. And “All She Wants To Do Is Dance” is a scathing parody of joyous, nonsensical horniness in a time of terror worthy of Newman or Warren Zevon. Actually, "Dance" transcends those guys by actually working as pop. It’s effective robot-soul: synth-horns a flutter, synth-snares clapping, Henley detailing the carnage just outside a central American dance-club while confidently striding across this shrill, snapping funk. Is "she" stupid? Maybe. But maybe she’s not. Or maybe you are, too. Either way, "Dance" isn’t going to make not dancing easy. Sardonic techno-boogie isn't for everybody, but it's sure as shit for me.

Track 4: “Rio” vs “Not Enough Love In The World”
Winner: Duran Duran (DD 2, DH 2)

Henley doing vicious, subversive ‘80s soul is one thing, but playing it straight like Daryl Hall? Not on your life. No question I’d rather get on a yacht with the pretty boys as they go chasing some erotic mirage. Sometimes I don’t think “Rio” had to be five minutes long, but I don’t think “Not Enough Love” had to be at all.

Track 5: “Save A Prayer” vs “Sunset Grill”
Winner: Duran Duran (DD 3, DH 2)

Woof. Eagles Of Death Metal’s cover of “Save A Prayer” upped the energy enough that I now get the song’s goofy allure ("some people call it a one night stand, but we can call it paradise"? Why not!). But it also confirmed the original is just a touch too tepid for me. Then again, an aging new wave vixen could still show me why “Prayer” had to be over five minutes (please try!). It's less likely an over-tanned California queen will sell me on six minutes of Henley straining over fretless bass and synth doodle, pleading for sex at a hamburger restaurant on the strip. That’s not my kink.

Track 6: “Is There Something I Should Know?” Vs “The End of The Innocence”
Winner: Duran Duran (DD 4, DH 2)

Henley crying for you to fuck him while the world ends, Le Bon crying that you’re making the world end by not fucking him. Poetically painting the misery of the Reagan era over Bruce Hornsby synth-piano on a rewrite of Rod Stewart’s “Tonight’s The Night” is quite a move, and noticing the perversity of using late ‘80s political anomie as an aphrodisiac has only made the song more interesting to me (for a long time, I didn’t grasp the title’s double meaning and just appreciated the track as an American dream elegy). Yet Duran’s erotic agony is, if not less problematic, a lot less weird. “You’re about out as easy as a nuclear war!” may make less sense than Henley’s metaphors, but at least Le Bon is admitting to blue balls. Though closing chorus repetitions can grate, I’m giving Duran an edge. (That’s what she said!)

Track 7: “The Union Of The Snake” vs “The Last Worthless Evening”
Winner: Don Henley (DD 4, DH 3)

Another battle of the fuck requests, only this time Duran Duran are the creeps. Henley said his ballad was inspired by a recently heartbroken Michelle Pfieffer shooting him down in front of Jack Nicholson at a party circa The Witches Of Eastwick. The lyrics, for once trying to rise above cynicism, suggest he’d have really put in the work if she’d let him. I understand if you’d rather hear another bouncy trifle where Le Bon incoherently promotes animalistic sex, but I find Henley wanting to provide mutual comfort (I mean, Michelle Pfieffer) a touch more affecting. 

Track 8: “The Reflex” vs “New York Minute”
Winner: Duran Duran (DD 5, DH 3)

Duran at their most jubilantly insane (their first US number one!) or Henley at his most trudgingly self-impressed (reaching #48 with a bullet)? Why-y-y-y-y would you even ask?

Track 9: “The Wild Boys” vs “I Will Not Go Quietly”
Winner: Don Henley (DD 5, DH 4)

Humiliating self-parody vs humiliating self-parody! Henley wins this one on effort, as “Quietly” is a cocksure fantasy of Modern American Manhood worthy of Decker (“just what do you believe in?” asks our hero before promising to “wrap my lovin’ arms around the small of your back”). Without its absurd-even-for-Russell-Mulcahy video, “Wild Boys” is monotonous noise in comparison.

Track 10: “A View To A Kill” vs “The Heart Of The Matter”
Winner: Don Henley (DD 5, DH 5)

“Matter” is the sad bookend to “The Last Worthless Evening,” where Henley imagines the perfect thing to say when A Beautiful Woman decides she’s done with your shit, a gospel choir joining him on a chant of “forgiveness!  forgiveness!” It’s possible my affection is partly Stockholm syndrome from having to watch VH1 as a kid when my parents were home (watching MTV with a baby-sitter when I was in preschool led to nightmares of a demon shaking his fist at me in a cobwebbed church. Thanks, Billy Idol). But will my Gen X elders admit their affection for “A View To A Kill” might be Stockholm syndrome too? That this clattering mess of synth-stabs and yelped nonsense is atrocious for a Bond theme, let alone a chart-topper? Nope, they never will. Instead they forever dream of being up on the Eiffel Tower, trading eyeliner tips with Nick Rhodes before his ears explode.  

Track 11: “Notorious” vs “The Garden Of Allah”
Winner: Duran Duran (DD 6, DH 5)

I’ve been debating a rewatch of Donnie Darko, but I found it infuriatingly amateurish and banal compared to its trailer way back when. Maybe if I wasn’t busy reading books or disassociating in the corner during my sister’s dance lessons, I’d be more endeared to the Sparkle Motion scenes, and I wouldn’t just hear “Notorious” as a watering down of Duran’s madcap energy (“don’t monkey with my business!” aside). But shit, at least it’s not a seven-minute long new track on a ‘90s Don Henley compilation, with a spoken word bridge from the devil’s point of view.

Track 12: “Skin Trade” vs “You Don’t Know Me At All”
Winner: Don Henley (DD 6, DH 6)

Another case where Bad Don Henley grabs me more than Bad Duran Duran. It might be because I’m a divorced Dad approaching middle age in Southern California, but Don telling a “pretty mess” she underrates him over cathedral organ, smoking guitar solos and ex-Heartbreaker Stan Lynch (who Petty found too opinionated to handle!) thwacking away on drums, does more for me than hearing Simon LeBon shown up by a twenty-second trumpet solo four minutes into a tepid rumination on sex work. 

Track 13: “I Don’t Want Your Love” vs “Everybody Knows”
Winner: Duran Duran (DD 7, DH 6)

Look, I said Henley can pull off Randy Newman. He can pull off Warren Zevon. At his best, he can hang with any California cynic. But Leonard Cohen? No. Especially not with a guitarist and a soul sister adding mindless fill after mindless fill as Henley aims for grit and settles for laryngitis. Duran Duran trying for mere professional pop in 1988 is far less excruciating.

Track 14: “All She Wants Is” vs Silence
Winner: Duran Duran (DD 8, DH 6)

An enjoyably manic follow-up to the previous single from Duran’s ironically titled 1988 album Big Thing. When buying Decade, I’d forgot that Duran Duran released another comp at the end of the next decade that includes their two big ‘90s hits (both great), and shrinks a lot of the tracks into 45 mixes and radio edits. If I ever see it for less than five bucks, I might pick it up and give Decade to my kid. Meanwhile, I would be very, very surprised if there’s a solo Henley song from the '80s or any decade after that I wish they could add to Actual Miles.

So we've got a final score is 8 to 6, a victory for the once-New Romantics over their American elder. Duran Duran not even needing the extra track, Henley clearly benefiting from my sympathy for testy guys living in Southern California despite themselves. I may not qualify as a lover of either, but you can't call me a hater.

If you’re annoyed that Goldilocks thought your favorite song was too hot or too cold, declaring both these compilations half-right…I don’t really care. But you can still send all queries and concerns to anthonyisright at gmail dot com.