Anthony's MCU Binge: Phase One!

Last week, I said I was planning to blurb every movie in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, complete with a ratings scale made in semi-ironic tribute to Gregg Turkington, the patron saint of gratuitous rating scales. First, we assemble and assess...Phase One!

Iron Man (2008)

Tony Stark, an extremely witty arms dealer with daddy issues, is kidnapped and mortally wounded by terrorists. As many tech billionaires would like to think they could, the imprisoned Stark (aided by a scientist who sweetly dreams of being reunited with his fam...*BLAM*) jerry rigs an electromagnet that keeps embedded shrapnel out of his heart. He also builds a super-duper reactor that charges the magnet and powers an armored suit equipped with laser blasts and cool foley work. Once home, philanthrophy, flying around in his armor and helping people with those laser beams becomes his thing. It’s hard to remember that, before 2008, aside from a cult movie or two like Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, Robert Downey Jr was only cast in supporting roles for over a decade. His alert eyes and scrappy, smug sense of humor - Bill Murray/Chevy Chase snark at a Robin Williams pace - couldn’t have been more novel and invigorating for a PG-13 action blockbuster. You may have also forgotten how much fun Jeff Bridges has doing avuncular evil as an unctuous cueball, stealing the spotlight just by smoking a stogie on a Segway. Gwyneth Paltrow, Terence Howard and director Jon Favreau barely make an impression as Stark’s entourage, but only Favreau - as Stark’s sex-enabling weed carrier - is actively annoying. For all the appearances Downey has in the MCU, Iron Man remains the best place to appreciate what he contributes.  POPCORN CLASSIC.

The Incredible Hulk (2008)

This sorta-sequel to Ang Lee’s goofy-ass 2003 Hulk (recommended if you read comics for the rectangular panels) stars Edward Norton, who reportedly had a lot of opinions about the movie, from script development to the final cut. That fun fact only gets more ridiculous every year, as the entire supporting cast gradually returns in the MCU and Norton becomes ever more a skinny, nasal stand-in for Mark Ruffalo. First, William Hurt’s General Ross provided exposition in Captain America: Civil War. Then Tim Roth’s Russian soldier turned anti-Hulk The Abomination was in Shang-Chi and She-Hulk: Attorney At Law. Tim Blake Nelson’s Samuel Sterns, a mad genius puppy of a scientist and the most intriguing character in the movie, will finally return as The Leader (more than 15 years after Incredible Hulk) in Captain America 4! Liv Tyler’s Betsy Ross going to be in it too, though Hurt has been replaced by the less problematic, less dead Harrison Ford. I’m not sure if Marvel majordomo Kevin Feige rightly realized they underutilized a capable supporting cast in this mediocrity, or if they’re just trying to give people a reason to watch it. The plot is no different from an old Hulk TV movie in terms of stakes and character evolution, and the film is possibly worse in terms of action set pieces. Only recommended if you give as much of a crap about MCU supporting casts as Kevin Feige does. THREE BAGS.

Iron Man 2 (2010)

After the surprise smash of Iron Man, Team Favreau started burning up goodwill the way sequels to surprise hits usually do. Iron Man 2 has too many characters with too little to do, dialogue recognizable as improvisation only due to its self-impressed indulgence, and set-ups far more intriguing than the payoffs. At its nadir, the director intercuts Scarlett Johansson’s Black Widow masterfully fighting goons - the only time we get to see this - with his own oafish boxing. The stroke of entertainment genius that made the MCU what it is today was refusing to settle for the typical franchise inertia of bloating budgets and diminishing goods, replacing Favreau as director of the upcoming Avengers movie with Joss Whedon, the ambitious showrunner of Buffy The Vampire Slayer. Whedon understood ensemble humor, action set-pieces and how to keep people on board for multiple years (before the toxic narcissism of this Icarus sent his career spiraling downward). Today, Iron Man 2 is little more than the movie that made a stroke of genius necessary.

Not that it's unwatchable or anything. It’s a shame Mickey Rourke’s Whiplash is killed off; his post-Brando eccentricity as a grody, tattooed physicist with electric whips and a cockatoo would be welcome in, say, Moon Knight season two. But of all the movies featuring War Machine (Don Cheadle, eating Terence Howard’s lunch like a champ), Black Widow (not yet given a personality) and…uh…Pepper Potts...this is the least essential. It's even the least essential appearance of Iron Man. At times, Downey’s overgrown, backswept hair, tinted shades and goatee make him look distressingly like modern day Al Pacino. Nobody needs to see that. THREE BAGS.

Thor (2011)

Would you believe Norwegian mythology was based on a real kingdom of powerful, near-immortal ren faire goofballs from another dimension?! That ancient aliens inspired the Vikings’ horned helmets and swords and shit? That’s the conceit of Thor, where Anthony Hopkins’ crochety Odin sends Chris Hemsworth’s brash, titular beefcake of a son to Earth sans powers, until he can prove he’s worthy of being Vice-President Of Asgard. His redemption happens quickly enough - especially when you consider the seeming day-to-century maturity ratio between their dimension and ours - with the help of a horny astrophysicist (Natalie Portman), her hornier assistant (Kat Dennings) and less horny mentor (Stellan Skarsgaard).

When they announced Marvel hired Kenneth Branagh to direct this, I thought we were headed towards a misguided, criminally dull turkey. But I’d forgotten that Branagh made his name playing Shakespeare to the cheap seats, known for star cameos and bombast rather than nuanced interpretation. He’s the perfect guy to helm cartoon royal drama (Tom Hiddleston’s Loki finds out he’s adopted and goes full Richard III), happy to indulge in easy, fish-out-of-water humor while insisting Anthony Hopkins do more than one take. Not because Branagh saw this as high art, but because Branagh wants the audience glad they came. The audio/visual fun of Mjolnir is effectively established (Thor can do a dozen entertaining tricks with his iconic hammer even before lightning enters the picture) and Hemsworth does a solid job combining “principled warrior” with “absurd hunk of meat.” Still, the film is a little flat and anti-climactic. Personally, I would have ended with the gigantic metal beast firing death rays instead of two guys screaming on a rainbow bridge. If Hemsworth’s torso has you identifying with Portman more than Skarsgaard, I’ll understand if you consider Thor a Popcorn Classic. But even then, I’d still dock it a bag for the dyejob on Hemsworth’s eyebrows. Can’t they retroactively fix that with CGI? FOUR BAGS.

Captain America: The First Avenger (2011)

Of all the initial Avengers, it’s Chris Evans’ performance as Captain America that impresses me the most today. Downey gets to have lots of sassy fun as Iron Man. Hemsworth gets to have lots of campy fun as Thor. Evans has to find his fun while conveying sincerity as the Biggest Boy Scout Ever - a death trap of a role. Super-Dawson Leery. Thankfully, everyone involved gets that Cap’s story is one of liberation, rather than power fantasy. Wanna-be WWII soldier Steve Rogers was a twerp physically incapable of living out the noble, gallant truth inside him until Dr. Stanley Tucci pulled a Geppetto, making him an indestructible Olympian. Once transformed, there’s no sequence of Rogers boggling at his abilities or having to learn bravery or discipline. He was always Captain America internally and snaps immediately into action, frustrated when he’s not helping others. Through the eyes of his devoted friend Bucky (Sebastian Stan), stoic Colonel (Tommy Lee Jones, owning the cliche), and fascinated dream girl Peggy Carter (Hayley Atwell, alive in her fiery self-possession as Evans is in his humble certitude), we get to enjoy a good egg finally living their truth…a truth that has him spinning through the air in a star-spangled suit, bouncing a sleek metal shield off Nazi noggins.

Director Joe Johnston is an established hand at lively retro adventure (The Rocketeer!), and writers Christopher Markus & Stephen McFeely have a knack for matter-of-fact heroism and spy hijinks (continuing it without Cap on the underappreciated TV series Agent Carter). Toby Jones & Hugo Weaving snarl just fine as the leaders of Hydra (techno-fascists so foul they’re exploiting the Nazis), though they don’t get to transcend Spielbergian villain archetypes the way Evans & Atwell do the heroic ones. Unfortunately, the end of Captain America turns heartbreaking sacrifice into a rushed set-up for The Avengers, reducing a potentially epic romance into a prequel for a film that hadn’t come out yet. If you resent the age of closing credit cliffhangers, this might be the MCU’s Original Sin. FIVE BAGS.

The Avengers (2012)

Nick Fury, a deep state heli-carrier enthusiast with an eyepatch (Samuel L. Jackson), gets Iron Man, Captain America, Hulk and Thor to team up with the relatively powerless Black Widow (still limber, now allowed emotions and a sense of humor) and Hawkeye (Jeremy Renner, managing to suggest an expert soldier who could use a gun but thinks hi-tech archery is more fun) when Loki and an anonymous calvary of aliens attempt to conquer Earth via a dimensional portal above Manhattan. The MCU house style is solidified here: all the heroes are gifted with both a distinct, charismatic personality and a unique audio/visual fighting aesthetic, making ensemble scenes and long-take action sequences equally electric. But what makes the movie still novel today is how the characters vacillate between the thrill of chemistry and the fear of combustion. Though other studios have tried (dare I share my opinions on that?), and Marvel has provided oodles of team-ups since, The Avengers remains the only movie where an unproven super-ensemble feels almost unwieldy in its potency.

It takes Mark Ruffalo seconds to establish himself as the cinematic Hulk. His intelligence, sensitivity, and wry disbelief make Eric Bana and Edward Norton look like CBS prime-time randos in comparison (advances in CGI also mean the big green guy doesn’t have to hide in shadows like he did in the earlier movies). Tom Hiddleston's Loki gets to sneer more here than he ever would again, the character’s humbling and popularity leading him towards rakish anti-heroism rather than resentful power-grabbing. Those who know of director Joss Whedon’s fall from grace (or never liked his style anyway) will catch hints of his not-actually-that-ironic smarm and sexism (I’m so not mad about watching ScarJo sock and straddle bad guys in this, but when the camera pans around the team as she reloads the peashooter? Come on!). But if you can even imagine being thrilled by an all-star superhero team-up at this point, The Avengers still has the goods and the sensibility to satisfy. POPCORN CLASSIC.