I Went To A Thing!

Fuck Nate Silver. I’m just disgusted by the wave of pundits and political figures waving charts and facts to suggest it wouldn’t be that cruel and selfish if we “went back to normal.” We were already accepting a disturbing degree of death, inequality and cruelty anyway, right? So what’s the big deal? These champs are already basically free to traipse around with little concern for others, but that’s not enough. They want to get online and be told they’re moral enough in their actions and preferred policies. They’re tired of hearing about a collective anxiety and concern about the state of our planet, our country, our cities. Statistically, experientially, the lack of social welfare and infrastructure made painfully obvious by the pandemic is acceptable to them and they’re willing to exploit our anguish and grief to convince us to find it acceptable too.

I saw a comedy show today. Maria Bamford at Dynasty Typewriter at 11am. My first “public event” in almost two years (maybe a full two? Can’t remember if I bothered to do anything in February 2020, honestly). I’ve gone to stores masked, necessary and not, grabbing groceries and used records. I’ve eaten outside coffee shops and restaurants for dates - even went INSIDE a vaxx-mandatory Olive Garden during that sweet spot between vaccination and Omicron. But beyond that, I’ve primarily stuck to public parks (kid’s gotta slide, dad’s gotta touch grass) and my pad. It hasn’t been too hard - compared to high school, at least I’ve got dates. But after two years of massive life change, work on the old self, and typey scroll type type scroll, I finally wanted to see something.

“You wanted to go back to normal,” says Nate “I’m Too Statsy” Silver. The fuck I did, you obnoxious, passive-aggressive wannabe Oppenheimer! There was nothing normal about Maria Bamford doing a stand-up show at 11am on SUPER BOWL SUNDAY! In the town where they’re HAVING THE SUPER BOWL! (not that I realized the coincidence when I got the ticket). I’ve never been normal, and I never will be. I wanted to take advantage of an opportunity to see something rare and special. I was happy to learn it was vaxx-mandatory, and to decide that, if the novel ‘rona finally got me during brunching hours, through a vax mandate, through a mask, at a show by the comedy queen of anxiety (rather than via my young child and the nightmare of education in a pandemic he's been hurled into), that’s an acceptable risk and NOT NORMAL.

So I went! Anxious as hell, though. Tempted to scream every time someone dared to sit within six feet (who cares if it’s diagonal, you cavalier normies?!), and my bladder was having grad school final exam flashbacks. But as soon as they introduced the opener, Danielle Perez (hilarious), I was delighted. It was a near-tactile thrill just to see someone well-lit, and it was as glorious as I hoped to be in the general proximity of Bamford, in all her transcendent agitation. Spraying us with observations about coping with mental health struggles, the way Gallagher once sprayed our elders with fruit juice. Introducing me to the phrase “preventative honesty.” Seeing the beauty of Richard Scarry books from her frontyard Little Library. Giving jazzy voice to her demons like Ella Fitzgerald possessed by Pazuzu. I didn’t realize til afterwards that this might be the first time I’ve ever paid to see a specific stand-up comedian live, but I’m not surprised it was her. I’ll watch you be a sassy badass from the comfort of my couch, maybe even tag along with an eager friend. But to really get me excited, I need to know you’re going to surprise me with vulnerability. You need to be someone I’d want to see at 11am.

When it was over, the ushers were eager to let us know there were donuts in the lobby (this place was just warm and darling from the signs to the seats). There was only about a dozen in the box, and despite the audience of 50ish, I took one. Chocolate too. This isn’t about going back to normal. This is about not taking things for granted.